Heart Failure
I need to rant a bit.....
What do I do? What can I do? And how do I know? How do I choose from the many paths before me?
Lord, I surrender to You wholly.. I've reached the place where if I live I want to live to You, if I die, I die for You.
But now what?
I want to love freely, but the cares of this world hammer at me,
I want to give... I want to have enough to buy the whole book of tix from every young man and lady that approaches me at raffles place, but i can't...
I want to see the nation turned, but I fear I will pass from this earth without that pleasure....
God, I feel so inadequate to take on the world.. there is so much pain out there.. I don't want to insulate myself... but yet, I am but one man. One sinful, imperfect, lonely, misunderstood, young man.
The world has changed... where are the children singing hymns while sweeping the floor? How few are the holy women of old? How few the faithful men? And will I not be a faithful man?
The media.. full of rubbish. Too much of it. Too many people drawing from it. Can anyone stop it?
The corporate world.. self protection, using people, loving things, dodgy business deals sealed in KTV lounges, power mad people...
The whole culture of relationships... as a friend says... so often an empty person trying to be filled by another empty person.. and others.. pain, divorce, provocative dressing, abuse, masks, shells..
Father, I don't belong... I don't *want* to belong... here...
God, do You *alone* understand?
*sob*
My Father, My Lord...
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 84:2
My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
What do I do? What can I do? And how do I know? How do I choose from the many paths before me?
Lord, I surrender to You wholly.. I've reached the place where if I live I want to live to You, if I die, I die for You.
But now what?
I want to love freely, but the cares of this world hammer at me,
I want to give... I want to have enough to buy the whole book of tix from every young man and lady that approaches me at raffles place, but i can't...
I want to see the nation turned, but I fear I will pass from this earth without that pleasure....
God, I feel so inadequate to take on the world.. there is so much pain out there.. I don't want to insulate myself... but yet, I am but one man. One sinful, imperfect, lonely, misunderstood, young man.
The world has changed... where are the children singing hymns while sweeping the floor? How few are the holy women of old? How few the faithful men? And will I not be a faithful man?
The media.. full of rubbish. Too much of it. Too many people drawing from it. Can anyone stop it?
The corporate world.. self protection, using people, loving things, dodgy business deals sealed in KTV lounges, power mad people...
The whole culture of relationships... as a friend says... so often an empty person trying to be filled by another empty person.. and others.. pain, divorce, provocative dressing, abuse, masks, shells..
Father, I don't belong... I don't *want* to belong... here...
God, do You *alone* understand?
*sob*
My Father, My Lord...
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 84:2
My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
posted by DarkRed at 12:08 am
2 Comments:
:( it made me cry. How *does* one ever know? To have all your bases covered, safety nets in place seems but a poor man's plan for a life well insulated, bolted, secure and breathing in a little tomb - well shielded from a broken reality.
Ah, we don't belong here, we are aliens in the land remember? Don't go taking on the world, Robin. The world already takes us on, sizes us up and spits our ideals out. And we all yearn for the great to be done within our time, we talk of days of old - but we are here now, and with whatever we have, we must stand firm... not as a wild buck running into the tide, but as a wall, together -linking arms across the nations. We keep walking His way, and perhaps and it will be done within His great span of time. One day, we will see beyond our calvary and oh joy, is that not worth it?
I believe in you, take heart:)
/MM
Thanks for that sister... we only have one life, let us use it well.
We don't belong.. the world is so messed up i think we just about need a new heaven and earth... :)
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