Whats Up Dad? (Pt 4) - Brokeness

Long Dark Night.

Thank You, for a good rest this weekend... would have stayed in bed well past lunchtime if had not been rudely awakened by bitter words being exchanged by family outside the room.

I know some people have issues with starting the day with 'good morning Holy Spirit', but that has definitely got to be better than waking up to 'eh, the church is full of *insert derogatory hokkien phrases*'.

I know how people leave the faith... Just leave them alone for a few weeks and the devil has a field day with their thoughts. As a host of issues from family to identity and the search for truth and needing space and even ministry takes me out of action from church for a couple of weeks, first hand, I know how lone rangers get taken out. Lord, I don't want to stay here... get me back Dad before they take me out.

Musings of mortality, destiny, faith and future have left me high and dry. I honestly wonder if this is the long dark night of the soul.

But in Your mercy, i stumbled into the nearest church building in search of You and was greeted with a Hokkien worship team (i kid u not) singing praises. And there were a lot of old people... seriously. Not meaning disrespect, but its the truth. And then... the familiar presence of God that comes from corporate worship dispels all doubt. And again, after a blistering average-of-3-pple-talking-at-once 'family discussion', the day ends with the simple pleasure and simple love of a couple of young cousins to bring a smile to the face and a calm to the heart.

*deep sigh of relief*

A word of hard fought wisdom... when in doubt, return to the Word.

Not books, not internet discussions, not even experiences. One must take up all that and measure it to the Word, and not squeeze the word to fit our own notions of life and truth.

As if aunt leaving church wasnt enough, mum just stopped going too.

home has to be more than conversations peppered with the playing and replaying, ad nauseum, with increasing bitterness each time, years of savings gone and lifetimes of hurt..

what a season. i just feel all alone, 'like a speck of dust floating in the universe'...

Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. - James 1:21

Psalm 143

A psalm of David.

1 O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.

2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.

6 I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah

7 Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

9 Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.

10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

11 For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.