*that* song, this season

In Over My Head
Words and Music - Reuben Morgan

The world is all changing
I can’t believe my own eyes
The moment I think I’ve figured it out
I am flawed
I’m not to sure
Of myself this time

I’m in over my head
And all I have is you now
I’m in over my head
And all I am is holding on to you
I can’t see the way now
But this one thing I know
When every thing’s changing
You’re still closer than a friend
And so I will bow
And my heart will trust

I’m in over my head
And all I have is you now
I’m in over my head
And all I am is holding on to you
I’ll never let you go

I’m in over my head
And all I have is you now
I’m in over my head
And all I have, all I have, is holding on to you

For Such A Time As This

Global Day of Prayer, 2006.

It is that time again. There cannot be life as usual. He quickens my spirit and compels me.


snippets of faith...

Pastor Edmund Chan, CEFC:

"...something the Lord put upon my heart and I cannot NOT say it. And I want to come and lay upon your heart what I believe the Lord has laid upon mine. "

"...In the decade of the 1990s to 2000, 300 million people converted to Christ. 300 million!"

"...We don't need your money and we don't need your participation. That will come and that is the last thing I ask of you. Rather, we need your faith to join with ours"

On gideon and his 300 vs the 135,000:
"God plus nothing equals everything. The corollary is true. Everything minus God equals nothing. "

"...because so much is at stake"



Old guard...

Bishop Moses Tay, St Andrews Cathedral

"I believe the challenge from the heart of the Lord is in this one word: Kairos."

One of his points:

REJOICE with the flow of the river of life. Picture the river in Ezekiel 47 flowing from the throne of God, bringing life to every place it flowed. Church leaders, who recognize the importance of living water, have been working to put into place a system of spiritual water pipes. That may be the best thing we can do, but today a river of God is flowing! I submit that the best thing we can do, as I try to do so in my retirement, is to flow with the Lord. The flow is fast, and the flow is becoming a flood, going beyond ourselves, boundaries and structures. As the flood water rises, the ducks, previously separated by enclosures, now come and swim together in great joy. The flow of the spirit of unity is going beyond organizational structures.



by the numbers..

Pastor Daniel Foo, BBTC

These charts were put up at the last GDOP pastors briefing. If you look at the 10 years, 1990 - 2000 - you find that there was an explosion of people ushered into the kingdom of God. Many were converted to Christianity world wide compared to other religions. The purple column on the left of the chart shows a phenomenal increase from an average of 2% to 7%. Why? How did this happen?

If we look at the Prayer Movement of the Church in the world then, you remember that there was a lot of emphasis about prayer through the 10/40 window that began with AD2000 Movement. In the early 90s, 92-93 there were intensive prayers being poured out for the nations of the 10/40 Window, there was great unity of purpose, there was massive prayer - praying through the window and there was world-wide action in missions -mission teams, trips, mission agencies, missionaries, full time workers thrust into the nations of the world with the gospel and with that we saw the increase of people ushered into the Kingdom.

Sadly, the AD2000 prayer movement ended in the year 2000. Everything slowed to a near standstill. The conversion to Christianity in the three years- 2000-2002 collapsed to its previous level of just about 2 ½% compared to the other religions. The purple column on the extreme left went back down.

Do you now see the correlation of prayer and the fulfillment of the Great Commission, of nations coming into the Kingdom of the Lord?



Dr Ernest Chew - From Cross to Pentecost

"The whole life and mission of Jesus was sustained by prayer. Most of His words on the Cross were prayers. In His great high-priestly prayer in John chapter 17, our Lord Jesus prayed for the sanctity and unity of His disciples, of His church, so that they could accomplish His mission, the evangelization of the world, to the glory of God. Hence the call to repentance and renewal. "The Global Day of Prayer" expresses the Unity of God's people in prayer, because of the Universality - and urgency - of the mission. "As the Father has sent Me, so I am sending you" (John 20:21). "



This is the fight of this life... shall go to take my place in the line... however small it might be.

That all nations will worship before His throne.

Hearts Cry

All I want, Lord, is all you want for me...

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace!
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost,
but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas Grace that taught
my heart to fear,
And Grace my fears relieved.
How precious did
that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers,
toils, and snares
I have already come.
'Tis Grace hath brought
me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home.

The Lord
has promised good to me.
His Word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures.

When we've been there
ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days
to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.

Praise God, praise God
Praise God, praise God
Praise God, praise God, praise God!
Praise God, praise God
Praise God, praise God
Praise God, praise God
Praise God!

Morning

It is... a new day :)

Hallelujah :)

Waking up just a couple of days ago... its like i went to bed one person and woke up a different one. The mental storms have subsided, the voice of God, once again sure. The heart, at rest. The sleep, sweet.

So ends... my second bout of depression in 25 odd years (yes, odd is a gd word). I wonder why I hadn't realised it sooner... it was all too familiar. The day the world crumbles around you.. prompted in part when work, church, family and friends and life and the world all press in simulatneously with almost crushing force.

But He reached down. He reached down :)

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand. - Ps 40:2

And...in the same place, He met me again :) oh joy of joys :) One day of wet carpets later... it is a new day!

ahh and as a little sweetener... just for the record... i came in with ps 40:2.

and the wonderful worship leader Dave Pedde's life verse... was:

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD. - Ps 40:3

After the whole thing this morn, shared with him the whole thing in guy-compressed-zip-file kinda way, and he prayed that same verse over me.

Thats just it. Its done.

And man... this is way too much for me... which suits me just fine :)

I just acknowledge...

...that dad, for all the hurt you've caused me and my family, i miss having you. I wish had I chosen a different course of study, a different career... I wished you were around so I may not have chosen what I chose. Who in family would understand that I just have to do what I have to do? But dad, i hope to see you in heaven someday, wherever you are.

...that the ground is level at the foot of the cross. have mercy on me, Lord, a sinner. we so need each other. all of us.

What a day. What a week. What a year.

*chihuahua*

....now wheres that guitar...?

Let The River Flow

Ezekiel 47
The River From the Temple
1 The man brought me back to the entrance of the temple, and I saw water coming out from under the threshold of the temple toward the east (for the temple faced east). The water was coming down from under the south side of the temple, south of the altar. 2 He then brought me out through the north gate and led me around the outside to the outer gate facing east, and the water was flowing from the south side.
3 As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. 4 He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. 5 He measured off another thousand, but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in—a river that no one could cross. 6 He asked me, "Son of man, do you see this?"
Then he led me back to the bank of the river. 7 When I arrived there, I saw a great number of trees on each side of the river. 8 He said to me, "This water flows toward the eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, where it enters the Sea. When it empties into the Sea, the water there becomes fresh. 9 Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows everything will live. 10 Fishermen will stand along the shore; from En Gedi to En Eglaim there will be places for spreading nets. The fish will be of many kinds—like the fish of the Great Sea. 11 But the swamps and marshes will not become fresh; they will be left for salt. 12 Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing."

Hmm...

the further from the temple, the deeper the water...

"...where the river flows everything will live"

"fishermen will stand along the shore"

unlike swamps and marshes... where the water gathers and is stagnant..? hmm... left for salt ("melach")? salt and water gathering..? hmm...

"their fruit will serve for food and their leaves(?) for healing..."



Let the river flow, Lord.

one problem unmasked...

You appear to be suffering from mild to moderate depressive symptoms commonly associated with depressive disorders.

Surviving Depression

For those who survive, the feeling can be one of looking up at a pale moon-like sun breaking out from suffocating grey clouds. It is a time of subdued thanksgiving and quiet contemplation. The storm may yet engulf us, if not now perhaps a few hours from now or a few years from now
.
In the meantime, though, we can take comfort in the knowledge of having emerged whole from one of the most destructive and terrifying phenomena in all of nature - the perfect mental storm.

Of all things, it is an ordeal that has strengthened us, toughened us, and imbued us with a sense of hope and renewal. Depression is highly treatable, after all, and there are many ways to fight it, from the medications we take to changing our thought patterns to making the right lifestyle choices. And by attacking depression, we are helping remove ourselves from harm's way of all its other complications.

And so we finally reach a safe harbor, where we rededicate ourselves to reclaiming our lives - one day at a time, if it comes to that - with a new respect and profound sense of awe of what we are up against, but also with a new regard for the gift of life.




*grin* so, might be overreacting a bit... shall not get over-spiritual, but not over-clinical either.

ookk ive been running away long enough... if the enemy has a name, draw swords - tis time to open up a box or two... enter in... and kill something :p

A note from Bob : A soldiers creed

Believe it or not, church bassists go deeper than just being church bassists ;p

After a whole lotta struggle of being in church... here is 'the conclusion of the matter'.

A note from a brother of the low end:

A soldier in Iraq call out to his sergeant "What is
going on??? People are shooting at me!!" The sergeant
call back, "Yeah son, that is why you are here." I
call out to Jesus "What is going on?? People are
shooting at me!!" Jesus called back, "Yeah brother, that
is why you are here."

God said "I am sending you to a dark place where
pagens live. Where all kinds of pervesion is done and
the people are so much in the dark that they do things
that break my heart and think they are doing me a
favior."

I said "Lord, I am willing to go even to ends
of the earth for you." God said "Thank you but I have
the ends of the earth covered! I am sending you to
that brick building on the corner. The one with the
cross on the tower."

We worship God by loving the unlovely. Many times we
worship God BY being a member of a local church.

bob dozier


... A-teennn.. shuun!

2 Timothy 2:1-4

You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer.

Wait a min...

... this is disturbingly familiar...

all this...

i know this..

Ps 40

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

- Psalm 40:1-2

Praise the Lord that He never loads us with more than we can take...

Didn't want to come to office this morn - but pried myself out of bed.

Coming to office this morn, first thing on my mind was to block out lunch and go look for milo.

But as the hours wore by, rapid succession:

- PP came to talk about the Gen 12:2 mission sending over lunch... abt 220 undergrads launching out to missions at once! chihuahua... memories :) I should have went yesterday if I wasnt wallowing around in mud.

- It was also staff graduation, my bros n sis going ahead to do full time... love you guys... i give.. because I cannot go. But keep a place warm for me - will be there one day. In His time and place of choosing. What does one live for, besides His Kingdom? To live, is Christ.

- Boss called me to office, and rostered another staff under the project to help out with the tougher reports... work just got much more bearable :p

- The tough PB colleague is actually talking abt DVC and even forwarded an article defending the faith. Just last week none other than bro DC was at raffles in the morn passing out dvc mags.

*chihuahua* praise be to God, for the concerted effort by the body that is reaching the city and making an impact at its very heart.

God is calling a moving forward... shall press on, and bring as many with me as I can.

Baaad Day

Just had one of the most horrid days in my whole year.

Work is rough... i thank God for the decent hours, but i am just making no headway with my programming. Im clocking the hours, but my work gets constantly thrown back at me with big red marks like im in some primary school.

Im working at being salt and light to my colleagues, but thats kinda rough when my work is probably one of the worst in the department :(

*sigh* the skill level is just not there... this is not my thing... i sure don't feel God's pleasure, only man's pressure.

I shall *not* get bitter.

I shall give thanks. I choose to give thanks.

I shall stick this project out to the end. Doesnt really matter if my colleagues can finish it in half the time i take.

Sigh... it does matter that my family is harping at me to not go into ministry.

"Thats not what we raised you for"

Why is it so hard... I wish i had my dad around... Just because Hes dad. All those years...

The couple of years in the marketplace seems sooooo long.

I think i haven't been this volatile in a long time... i miss my friends.. i miss the crusaders.. i miss the long walks.. i miss just whiling hours away in the Presence of God.. i miss simple friendships and fishing and body building...

Oh shoot... what the heck am i doing walking around with a shirt n tie in raffles place?

Theres like a stack more stuff i shd be seeking God about... mum.. friends... reaching out... managing relationships... ministry.. but man i feel down.

Ahh... I am so gonna run into Dad's arms.. cling on.. it seems like each time the tests come, they kinda gang up on u..

I reach out Dad.. I reach out... I know its all true.. the future just keeps looking so cloudy i can't see.. but just gonna take one step at a time.. Your Word is a lamp unto my feet... and a light to my path. It doesnt just show the path ahead, but also each step my feet takes.

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Psalm 73.

Roman 12:3

Mm.. finally found the verse that had been eluding me for a couple of weeks... meditate on this i shall :p

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. - Romans 12:3

Hmm.. another one today:

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.

Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the LORD ?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
Prov 30:8-9

Hm... oh the extremes... that I deserve the world and the world owes me a living, or that i am worthless and to go about all day saying 'woe is me'.

Rather...

sober judgement, according to faith.

Great Gain

...But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Tim 6:6

What are you looking for in life? What do you want to spend your waking hours doing, thinking about, dreaming about? What do you want?

The slow, stoic, phlegmatic in me:

"I would like a nice picture perfect family, (of course the kids would be all smart, healthy and talented), a nice job with reasonable hours, good colleagues n high pay, a nice place to live, a nice little ministry to serve in, a nice church, oh a car would be nice too, and just a quiet life."

Haha... who would not, yes? sounds almost like a christian version of the 5Cs, with church thrown in for good measure :)

(some people ask on occasion, do you have any ambition? i tell them: yeah sure... im really ambitious - check out 1 thess 4:11)

.. and I think of all the spoken and unspoken thoughts and dreams of good things, in office, in church, at home, and in my own mind...

the thoughts just run on... extrapolate...

... and come to an abrupt halt on meeting 1 Tim 6:6.

all those things above... are they great gain?

honestly, search thy heart - are they great gain?

No.

At least, not unless, they equate with godliness with contentment.

Formula of the day:

Great gain = godliness + contentment (thats abt the extent of the math tt i can manage right now :p)

Seek after them... whatever that may mean to you. May His favour be upon us, His words light our path.

Two birthdays and a Transfer

Praise God its finally the weekend :)

Got called into boss' office today and my transfer's finally due! A month from today to CC dept... should be interesting :) It does help tt e CC mgr is the only other committed christian in the co. We'll see how it goes... partners or porcupines heh :p

mm... but somewhat pensive after the passing of two birthdays today...

A colleagues' birthday... so as is customary boss bought breakfast (2 boxes of freshly made pao today!). Little was said and going through the motions, though im sure she appreciate d the gesture, shopping voucher and such - i guess this wld just be very fitting among my dept.

Hmm... thankful at least for a bit of life in here :)

A half world away, another pretty different birthday passed on the churchbass forum.. CC, the forum poster of a few years... celebrates his 38th, and he says... he might not make it thru his 39th.

cancer.

His sleepless wife and kids....

I wonder how he looks like... never seen him before... but just.. argh...

bleah...

My soul faints with longing for your salvation,
but I have put my hope in your word.

My eyes fail, looking for your promise;
I say, "When will you comfort me?"

Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke,
I do not forget your decrees.

Ps 119 :81-83

Be with them, Dad.

Stained Glass Masquerade

ahh.. so many things to rant about, small (my desk doesnt even have its own dustbin :p), and large..


but today... i come and sorta just flop at the feet of God... knowing that the ground is finally level at the foot of the cross.

In repentance and rest, in quietness and trust.

also, humbled, broken and at peace.

Integrity is so difficult to maintain, but yet, i seek it and desire to live it.. i have discovered it is more than just honestly, but it is daring to bare ourselves as we really are. Being the same person wherever we go... sure, coded conversations, office speak n christianese are all there (sometimes i feel, christianese shouldnt be), but it is about being, recognising, accepting..

the talents, (no false humilty here..) but also the flaws..

the abilities, but also the weaknesses...

the opening up of sins of the past and present..

the holding back of quiet deeds that only God will ever know..

I beseech thee, brothers and sisters, shd anyone read this, be real, and accept, forgive, just as we have been accepted and forgiven.

And serve by grace, and with grace.


"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today
feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away,
like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it,
maybe I'll believe it too

So with a painted grin,
I play the part again
So everyone will see me
the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Sowing

Ouch... after a fairly gd sunday, the new week is bringing a double dosage of the blues..

Shall pour some out in bits and pieces...

TGIF - Today, God is First:

The most difficult place to keep moving in faith is the place of extreme pain. Extreme pain, especially emotional pain, can become immobilizing to the human spirit if it is allowed to overcome us. The psalmist tells us there is only one remedy for overcoming painful circumstances that will result in joy. We are to sow in the midst of these times. You cannot do this if you live by feelings alone. It is an act of the will. This act requires that we go outside ourselves in pure faith.

"He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him" - Ps. 126:6

This season is getting crazy... man... thought i had worked through all the stuff i cld manage, and more comes up... my (only) solace is God, whose whisper continues to encourage 'work thru it...', 'the season is passed'..

And work... such a mixed bag... but well, I *choose* to give thanks for it... despite feeling small (my caustrophobic office n tiny desk doesnt help - my primary school cuz has more space), there are enough blessings in there, and I choose to see the blessings and give thanks...

Talk abt going against the grain.

And other stuff - ups and downs with family and church camp... personal pain... hurting friends... other friends leaving the faith... even my favourite prayer spot is being enroached by Mormons..!

its like.. wha..?

Living the truth captured in different verses have such a way of making them 'yours', don't they? man... out with the dry pharisee academia, in with the living, ministering Word of God.. cos i can't live without it :)

Ive sort of identified with a lot of nice bible verses over the years... but now im living a whole different part of the Word of God... even like:

Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes. - Job 2:8

*throws ashes in the air*

A short aside.. Job had well meaning fiends... who didnt help much - but to all who have been praying, thank you.. you *do* help.. much :) Am humbled to be prayed over, when my own prayers are dry and im reduced to asdjlaskjdlksdfgdljsdf and stuff like tt....

Shall soldier on. shall sow...

I can already see a lot of good coming out of this... I can... but... ouch... I wouldnt wish this on a friend.

"abundant life" just took on a much deeper meaning...

Any Other Sunday

What a wonderful service today :)

Worship was spirit filled (sister B, you're handling it like a real pro! we shd cut a CD someday), it was baptism day with a dear sister getting baptised... there was some wonderful visitors, and I got something out of the sermon today! :)

Mm.. what a far cry from a mere week ago!

I don't know if it was the long talk with MM, the open sharing, the honest struggle and prayers...

Or the laying down i-can-do-it-better-than-u pride...

Or exposing e snakes insidious divisive thoughts planted in our minds..

Or once again acknowledging God's chosen man above us...

Or just the grace of God reaching down once again to another sinful man..

but.. somebody (or Somebody) did something right! Praise the Lord :)

Isn't it good to enjoy the body of christ? the word of God? Somebody say hallelujah :)

Pai Kar

You know what a limping guy needs?

a crutch, is what a limping guy needs.

:p

Giving Thanks

...for the good meeting with MM... You were there Lord, and we sharpen each other.

That our makeup is so different, is undeniable. The we struggle, too, with so many aspects of church, is acknowledged. But that we serve the same God, in an imperfect church, for His perfect Will to be done on earth and in heaven - binds us. That we submit to men that are far from perfect, but nonetheless give their wholehearted devotion, tested over a lifetime, to one God and one church, makes for something most rare and wonderful in the world today.

And we're glad to be a small part of it.

Search our hearts, build the body, refine Your church, Lord.


... for rest... can someone say hallelujah when the alarm clock goes off at 11.. and its promptly shut off :p

... for when i wake up to a huge saturday brunch made by my bro...

... for when, right in the middle of parkway parade, God tears me away from this world for a few minutes with a video of matt redman n his band...


mm... abundant life :)

Just Like Us

Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years... James 5:17

'...just like us...'

Elijah, mock-450-prophets-of-baal-n-call-down-fire-from-heaven elijah..

Elijah, lie-down-on-a-dead-boy and pray him to life elijah..

Elijah, 1 kings 17:1 elijah.

'...just ilke us...'

does it not blow your mind, that the stubborn/spoilt kid, the IT programmer, SAF guardsman, warehouse helper, teacher, product engineer that sits beside you in church, is someone just like brother Elijah?

Sitting in a corner of the lunchtime meeting, i missed getting the sermon CD last week on 'the making of a man of God'... and here i go stumbling right on a group preaching about none other than brother E :)

...and the word i brought away is 'just like us' :)

And the other half of it would probably be:

"According to your faith will it be done to you" - Matt 9:29b

I think over the weeks, that makes so much sense... friends around me seeking God's Will in their/our life, simply taking small steps according to faith. Pleasing Him, practically, persistently :)

Obstacles? ordinary becomes extraordinary.. not despite, but *because* of obstacles.

Application? i honestly think that at every funeral, believers should gather n say a prayer. I tell u, one fine day, there will be a knock from that coffin. Seriously.

Praise our extraordinary God.. working through very ordinary men (and women)...

...just like us...

today.

"El" - God
"Jah" - Jehovah
"Elijah" - Jehovah is God

Ascents

Thank God for progress in the lives of our humble cell... Z, G and myself.. guess few if any in church really knows them, but they're believers, growing thru trouble and messy lives, just like all of us :)

Thank You for them, for life on life, iron sharpening iron, how you're teaching me through them and teaching me to teach them too.

Today was special... thank You.

Ministry

...can happen in so many ways.

...as we shared the ups and downs and struggles in church, it was just very ministering to have and to be a friend, to listen and understand and identify. i guess we do struggle with relating to task oriented people, when our idea of fruitful ministry is a cup of tea and friends.. sharing the word of God with fellow believers in the midst of work n family life, little kopitiam churches and sometimes a pat on the shoulder works as well as a demon-casting hand on the head.

I believe theres a shepherd's lesson to be learnt here... mm... perhaps its simply the appreciation of the many faceted grace of God poured out and manifested in different personalities, different spiritual gifts, different amounts and types of talents, different ministries... and how trying to fit everyone into a certain mould is just sort of doomed to failure.

Meeting MM on it this friday, if anyone reads this, covet your prayers.. upon seeking God, i think the warning is to handle this tactfully and humbly, with a God centered n others centered approach, with the submission that has brought us so far, and with prepared heart. im quite sure we're not alone in this struggle, and if done right, this might just help build up the church... but let it be God led or not done at all.

Tuesday Noon

Ahh... here i am in the office on a tuesday noon!

..almost wanted to take MC today but felt a bit too good(!) to do so...

Thank God for healing my throat - first prayers... wah always works.. praise Him :)

ahh.. hmm..... but i didnt really want to come to work.. :p

but.... well... i did pray n others prayed for me to get better... :p

ahh give thanks lah.

(Angel: *shakes head*)

:) j/k.. giving thanks for healing... would be nice to take a rest but perhaps God has other things in mind.

'your desk is your pulpit, your colleagues, your congregation!' - ps Benny.

*brandishes mouse and keyboard*

to work!

First Prayer :)

Wow, praise e Lord, am the glad recipient of bro Martin's first prayer.. for me to be cured in my throat... think i have tonsillitis again :(

im blessed! to see a grown 30 something man come to know you... many posts ago, the sowing, the faith that registers... bore fruit in no time :)

heh.. n first prayer... confirm cure one! *grin*

random thought: 'Doc Martin'...

This Evening's Walk

...was somewhat eventful... not least because on the way back i was charged at by an unleashed neighbours' dog....

chihuahua.... that sure wasn't no chihuahua! flippin' big white dog tt one.. (FBWD)

praise God the FBWD didnt bite :p phew...

Jogging / walking the usual track, was nice to partake in many simple moments and joys that just bring me pleasure.. watching the photographer, tripod and all, taking a photo of some insect under the towering arch of one of the trees that has been there as far as i can remember, a brother and sister having a simple game of badminton in the clothes drying area in the poorer district of my neighbourhood, even two ah-beng type black cats staring each other down and having a catfight along the canal.

Was rudely interrupted though, to find the usual track blocked off by the circle line construction. Eventually had to detour a gd half kilometer or more before getting back on track.

I recall it was quite disconcerting and frustrating, to expect to be back home in a short time, yet having no alternative but to keep walking without any idea of neither the direction nor distance ahead...

Mm.. i guess its a parable of life, tt one - in my unsaved family, in the unsatisfying work that will occupy me in scant 8 hrs time, and even relating to mentees, colleagues, friends.. sometimes i feel all these changes are going against the grain... and i long to find a stable and safe place. The journey does have its rough patches...


...Yet, I eventually reached home... :)

Two become one

mm.. strange, think one of my posts were lost hmm.. :)

Praise God for a simple, but wonderful n God led union of C & L yesterday... really warms my heart to see and share the journey.

I guess being involved in the proceedings helped de-mystify weddings somewhat too. Its not really always 100 doves released in unison ala the mastercard advertisement... but it is a beautiful thing nontheless.

Make no mistake, marriage *is* a big deal...

ahh.. should I know? 3 generations in my family and I have yet to see one really work... and who knows if i will eventually stay one or be two?

But you know what, just maybe, if all God says is true, if all the promises are truly yes and amen, if His grace is sufficient, then just maybe... a line has been drawn in the heavenlies.. that this generation will be different.

That even christian marriages would not be perfect is a foregone conclusion, but I choose to believe the Lord who speaks of the cord of 3 strands, whose very Presence costs the Dagons of this world an arm and a leg, who whose arm is long....

...is more than able to bring freedom and abundant life to the ones and twos in this world :)

Down to earth

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy. - Job 8:21

Over the past few days, meeting a few friends have brought one of the sweetest times of fellowship this side of heaven :) It is truly more blessed to give than to receive. They do matter.

He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose. - a-really-famous-guy-whose-name-i-could-find-if-i-googled-him-but-i-didn't

:) and after a season of messages about surrender, death and what not, how pleasant it is to share laughter over the trivial, to dress up eeyore in a corporate necktie, and run into JN in the most unexpected of places.

MM ('minister' mentor?) KC prayed another out of the blue prayer today, that this time is unlike other times, and God is opening up a lot of opportunities to learn. Good stuff...

but Dad, i also humbly come back down to earth and walk with my brothers... i don't want to presume, to come in false bravado... and for tonite, we just come covering each other and our families and in simple prayer.

Brothers...

One of whom will leave the fold in just 45 minutes time :) Bless their wonderful union...

If you ever see this brother, it has been quite a journey has it not? :) Serve our earthly 'boss' well, be fruitful with your hands, love Him, love her, love others. May your have the pleasure of raising godly generations.

Selective Hearing

~In the office, 3pm~

A: I solved the bug! I solved the bug!
Me: oh.. what was it?
A: Oh, its just like the rest of your errors.. didnt you read the help file? variable T was of a data type VARCHAR and u are trying to embed it to DEC(5,2) in SQL.. etc etc
Me (hears): rest ...read... tea... bed...

how in the world can some people do this all their lives?!

*chihuahua*

(and agh.. so many of my friends are leaving work.. don't tempt me!)

Clay Vessels and Crossroads

When fire subsides, it leaves clay vessels in a strange new shapes... altogether familiar, but unmistakably changed... chipped in the corner, that living water within may now flow out more freely...

Hm... for the moment, back to His Presence, His people... and a couple of pretty pressing decisions are coming up.

I sense another crossroads approaching... strange how talk of overseas seem to be passing through my mind lately.. think i need to pray over this. Bro J, all this 'send me' stuff... rubbing off :)

Mm.. Where, when, how? Music missions again? mmm... praise Him, will i one day have this pleasure once more? :) A few doors are opening... Need to check a few things out... but shall start locking in a few dates this september for a start..

..by faith!

Complete surrender shd be everything.... i guess even going to the places i once held back. If nothing else beckons, why wait, when you don't know what tomorrow may bring?

p.s. A very dear thank you, for meeting me where im at today brother. Appreciate you, may you be mighty in His Kingdom. Whatever happens, may we walk the narrow road.

Progress Package

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

Phil 1 : 21-26

Already Dead

Hmm....

Its been a great rest day.. woke up late as usual, had a simple lunch, finally caught up on rest, emails, worship stuff and other admin... then headed off in the early eve for a walk.

And here we go again...

Turning round the bend, i get the familiar prompting, something like *walk to where I last spoke to you*. I stroll over the usual track, enjoying the overcast and greying sky.. and the peace of the day... and on the way back, my thoughts get the better of me and i forget im on that route, till the very sky starts shimmers before me again. I wait and quietly ask God.

Nothing. I look around, the sky is still shimmering. Doing that zoom-in-zoom-out thing.

I look back and to the side, and the sky in that area is a foreboding wall, almost pitch dark... somewhat like that terrible evening just a short week ago.

Thought: (i can never get the exact words agh...maybe thats why i get so many)

"Many are living as if the future will be bright, but they do not know that the darkness is coming."

Looking around, the sky is back to normal, and as i ponder it, i absent mindedly walk round the bend and find myself staring straight up into the dark sky that suddenly opens up before me.

...."And i am sending you straight into the darkness"

uknow... if this happens any more ill have to find another route to walk. (j/k rite, as if that wld prevent God from catching up with me)

*mutter mutter*

Back home. check email.

Being Given Over to Death
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman

For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake.... So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. - 2 Corinthians 4:11-12

It is the great mystery of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Death gives life. Jesus' death on the cross gave life. The death of a vision brings new vision. The death of a seed gives new life. It is the central focus of God's requirement for experiencing Him - death. When Jesus extended us an invitation to experience salvation and a relationship with Him, it came with a great cost, our very lives. Yet what we don't realize is that until we relinquish our total lives, we really aren't living at all. Without this death we will continue to strive, manipulate, and fret over every detail of life. It is when we finally say, "Yes, Lord, I am Yours completely," that we experience real freedom for the first time. This is the only time when Christ is fully seen in and through our lives. Christ describes our lives as vessels-vessels for Him to be revealed in and seen by others.

How is your vessel today? When people look inside, will they see a life that is dead to all things, save the life of Christ revealed? In the workplace, we are faced with challenges each day that seek to instill fear and control at every turn, but Christ says He wants to live through your life in the workplace. He wants to reveal Himself to your fellow workers today. However, He can only do this if our vessel is free of ourselves. Ask Jesus what things must die today in order for Him to live completely in and through you.

*mutter mutter*

mm.. actually, im very humbled that God would speak to me in this new way... Lord, let me not get too familiar with You. It is a blessing, such a blessing that You still speak this way today.

this is getting intense.. (as if it wasnt before). Press in. More than just living in the eyes of others, more than feelings, perhaps even greater than the cares of this world. Press in...

Lead me Lord.

DR: "Where i come from and where i need to go, sometimes i feel few can follow. And often, the only few that follow have paid a dear price to get where they are."

GC: "Sometimes, if it takes us longer, perhaps its just because what ahead is bigger, and we need the wait"