Today

Today:
- re-hearing (again) stories of how my family lost ridiculous amounts of money years ago
- almost having a quarrel in the evening (over - what else - dinner..)
- having a pitched battle in my mind with unholy alliance of world, the flesh and the devil
- staring down one dead pc right next to me
- uncharacteristically almost snapped at my grandma
- having a headache

All that, and more. Yuck. sugar coat it not.

Life isn't always good...

...but God always is.





Ah... but for now... He is here... :)

Thank You Lord, for today. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? In his heart i plan my course, but You determine my steps. Much may happen, much may change. But to Your Will, Your timing, I submit to you in joy. Thy Name is not "I WAS", nor "I WILL BE", but "I AM".

Thank You Lord, for today.

Heart of the City

Yesterday the light drizzle was bracing...

The way the MRT station and office blocks are set up is such that there is almost a crossroads of sorts where two paths meet. Didn't plan on a prayer walk after work, but theres something about standing right dead center of the heart of raffles place that stirs something in me.

Could sense His Presence, and we just sorta communed for a while, until the drizzle turned into a shower, marking the end of that time. Now pacing up and down, now standing quietly and staring at the towers of office blocks reaching up to the sky - Hm... modern day tower of babel? :) wouldnt be too far off - now staring at the sculpture.

The sculpture! There was this sculpture, a ship with a full sail catching the wind. God dropped a thought in my heart... ah shd have wrote it down - i can't remember exactly. Something like: "I am in your sails"

Lord, all I want is all You want for me. I pull up my oars and raise my sail. Blow me where You want me to go.

And Lord,

may Your net always be full, because we dare to sail out to sea. - Author (not un)known.

Doing Life

Woke up at 1130, praise the Lord... :)

...and had our usual unhealthy sat brunch that would prob make any dietician choke on his yoghurt n organic veggies.
The menu:
- Prata and (canned) mutton curry
- Oxtail stew and mashed potatoes
- Everything-in-the-fridge-within-reach Omelette
- Leftover pork sausages and fish nuggets

Later, a long overdue jog/soak at the usual place...

The older 2 out of 3 pcs were totally wiped out by a virus yesterday. Every single .exe files are dead in one, and all device drivers in the other.. ouch!

Had a little quarrel over dinner and food at home (sigh), partially my fault as i wasnt up to doing stuff at the moment..

Finally, at the end of it... i park myself with hot tea outside the house and stare at the evening light. Life always seems more simple, more manageable when one is alone and close to God...

In the quiet of the evening :)

I just realised this april marks 10 yrs since i had a depression as a teen...

...truth be told, I honestly thought I would be dead by 20.

What am i doing here? :)

Mmmm.. oh how His amazing grace, hath saved me. Oh praise Him, that in the darkness of my thoughts, in the folly of my pride, in the sloth of my sin, Jesus saves.



Perhaps that session outside the house will be the first of many... :)

Boxes

Ps Wolfi once said in his sermon:

Men often approach things in compartments or boxes.. they deal with one thing at a time, women are sorta 'global'... when one thing is bad, *everything* is bad :)

Close to the truth, imho...

Afternoon after afternoon (say tt 5 times fast..), the few boxes that God has assigned me to deal with...

I open em, stare at the things inside... re arrange them a bit, take stuff out, put stuff in, sometimes have a gd cry, struggle a bit, cover some ground then close the boxes and go back to work.

(side note: the box labelled 'Work', currently with a little label that says 'IT dept'? man tts a box that ill be glad if i didnt have to open it so often)

Thing about all these boxes... when you enter in and rearrange things in one box, when you come out the rest of the boxes are a little different.

I imagine a huugge 'God' box... (heaven forbid that God can ever be put it a box.. but humour me), each time i go into that one, every other box suddenly... shrinks.

The boxes are large, but press on, entering in I must.

Contrasts

Yesterday night had a gd meal @ cafe cartel with two friends that I met by chance sometime last year...

Conversation was nice but somehow struck me as shallow after all ive been thru, the picture of a life lived with faith acknowledged but no not deeply engaged...

Didn't really matter that it was a nice sister... and anyway i hope its nothing to do with matchmaking. God is my matchmaker, thank you.


It was telling though... u know? just doing life after the past couple of months of hot tears and learning to limp around... its like 'so this is how i'll see life from now on'.


Not every meeting need be fishing and body building yeah? but... well... *sigh* i hunger for a little deeper fellowship now and again :)

God probably heard that unspoken thought...

Coming home, a dear overseas sister with a missionary heart whom i have great respect for msns her concern after reading this blog...
a few excepts:

"I press forward... looking at the prize ahead..."

"the suffering now is of no comparison to the rewards in eternity... however the pain is still real.."

(and just by the way)

"I believe God calling me to XX and Im going!"

"...made a detour to XX to to confirm God's call - and it was confirmed!"

What a contrast :)

Given a choice, need you even ask which life to choose? :)

I hear kernals of wheat falling...

The Tripod

Confession: I bought a budget whiteboard, complete with tripod stand, with a view to have something to write on the next time I share on bass n worship. 15 sweat soaked minutes of trying later, I could not even set up the dumb tripod.

Come lunchtime today, I mosey over to clifford centre and innocently go over to where the sample, completed tripod is standing.

"Ohh so thats how its done!"

Turning around to leave, God dropped a thought into my heart, and I pause, walk back and re-stared at the tripod.

Almost Unsurprising

Its getting almost unsurprising, these 'coincedences'.

Lord i humbly accept yet more rhema words...

Anyway the the funny thing abt this particular one, is, it was backdated 2 days ago and i shd have received it..mm.. well 2 days ago. But no... only after the different things that are dropping into my head these two days, then it pops in my mailbox moments later to confirm it.

cool..

And after the whole nation had been circumcised, they remained where they were in camp until they were healed. - Joshua 5:8

Before the nation of Israel could go into the Promised Land they had to be circumcised. Circumcision is painful, bloody, and personal. God requires each of us to be circumcised in heart before we are allowed to enter and receive the blessings that await each believer in the Promised Land.

This circumcision can often be very painful. Circumcision requires losing our old way of life. The process of spiritual circumcision may mean a loss in areas that have been a part of our lives in order to draw us to the Savior. God understands this. Consequently, like the people of Israel, we must wait until we are healed before we begin to be effective in our calling. If we launch out too early, we will be ineffective and may risk infection and disease and will not be at our full capacity. God wants each of us to walk in His healing grace.

Day 40

Sitting in office on day 40...

the overwhelming sense is peace...

questions spring up in my mind, but His face is turned towards His people today... and in silence we gaze one at the Other.

Epilogue

The spirit is finally at peace...

The messages, all delivered...

The tears are almost dry, time to let time and space do its work...

mm.. almost.

Most oft repeated scene this season:

Cafe waitress R: Everything all right?
Me: Uh...no.
R: Oh... ok.. *nods vigorously*
Me: (Stares intently at milo) *mumbles* need a quiet place..

10 min later...

(stumbles out)
R: Better?
Me: mm...eventually.

Bring it on... let the work be complete. Show me how, and where, and I will go :) I shall stand by His, and my ideals in a crazy world.

Let me go, that one day others may follow. May worshippers know true worship... the worship of Abraham n Issac...

More than just 'God will provide'...

But 'in the place of worship, God Himself will provide the sacrifice'

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Ps 27:13-14

Of Executive Toilets and Pleated Pants

Need to take a break from all this intensity... draining man... here goes:

*ahem*

One of the top 10 most ridiculous things that take up valuable office space is undoubtedly the Executive Toilet (aka E.T.). This is an actual conversation that took place:

Me (J): Don't know why theres such a thing man..

Boss (B): *with a wry grin* You know inside, the taps are gold plated...?

Colleague 1 (C): Oh really?

B: Yes, you can even bathe in there..

J: Yeah man.. i think there must be a bathtub...

C: Mm.. ya, or a jacuzzi...

C: ....with a whirlpool..!

B: When you open the bath tap, milk comes out... like Cleopatra...

*conversation goes rapidly downhill*

To all the balding ah peks with pleated pants out there - you are *biblical*!

But take a few strands of hair and tuck them away in the folds of your garment - Ezekiel 5:3

(don't quote me)

An Encounter More Ordinary

The LORD Appears to Elijah And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.

After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

1 Kings 19 : 9b-13

Fast forward a few years... musings about the big questions of a man's destiny, his lonely road of life and faltering attempts to hear God lead a much younger, lesser man of God to expect loud prophesy and earthquakes in his day. Through ages, space and time, the thoughts are really not so different after all:

'Lord, speak to me! The world is going crazy, the men of God are few... and the evil one is trying to get me too!'

There were signs and wonders, but the Lord spoke not through them this time.

There was indeed, much prophesy, but the Lord spoke not through them this time.

There was the unmistaken presence, but the Lord spoke not through it this time.

And when it had all ended one warm sunday afternoon... there was, i kid you not, a gentle whisper.

Of a friend.

Sunrise

Yesterday noon, sitting at the usual spot, a thought comes in, that I struggle to hear if it is the Lord or my own imagination... i remember how i shared it once, and yesterday it returns in gd time... hopefully having watered hearers somehow on its journey.

'it is the end of the season, spring is in the air'

Coming to 'How to Hear God's Voice' seminar, i came with some expectation of loud blaring prophesy but was refreshingly struck by the praciticality of it, how friends and strangers ask God in simple faith for words and pictures... and I choose not what I want to hear, but take it all in. And a couple strike so close to home:

Eyes closed, I ask and get a word, (i think im a 'hearer' :) and release a word for a dear brother.. struggling slightly and feeling a little foolish in the process.... he does likewise, im guessing feeling a bit unsure too. Opening our eyes, we both look into each others' red, tear streaked eyes and give an slightly embarassed but thankful chuckle at how God chose to use each other.

God's Word given me for him, I shant share... but His for me was a sunrise... I sense a new day is dawning... truly, the end of the season is near.

Peace is coming back to me in waves, a little, then none for a while, then a little more... then a little less but more than before.. like the rising tide.

As closure comes after quite a journey, im blessed by a word about looking like im wearing Roman soldier armour, with a breastplate of righteousness and helmet of salvation.. and a sword, which is the Word of God. 'A strong soldier'... oh how I scribbled that yearning in books... and to hear it from without rather than within..

On interpreting the words and picture from God too... how obvious that, when we get a picture, and then try to fit it into what we are thinking or guess what it means, we should have instead asked God.

Asking God about recent visions and pictures... reveal another humbling, but painful truth.

More words... on music... humility... ministry... hearing from You. Truly Dad... you are good. Im sorry I ever doubted.

As the 2 days draw to a close, the final session is on obedience and commitment. My ears and spirit perk up, and I rise for the altar call. With shaking hands, I make commitments to the One whom I trust. It will be obedience... whatever that may be.

Broken, changed, and forever thankful. God's peace and rest finally come... and I know the path I need to walk.

Run the race

God-thoughts just bouncing around my head...

then, I... almost.. saw it. It seemed so real....

The vision.

Who would have guessed.. the only free day this week, I take a jog down the well worn path where the story of this blog started some 8 years ago.

Winding down (more like winded actually) on the way back down the stretch, a prompting says 'run'. I obey and start running...

Scant a second or two passed when I hear a familiar voice... on my right. Its a friend, urging me on... over the next few seconds i hear her speak and encourage, sometimes running alongside, sometimes pushing from behind. On my left, is none other than Jesus... above, the Holy Spirit as a dove. As the seconds pass there is a point that I hold her and tug her along as I run. I laugh and cry in the moment. The Holy Spirits' wings are huge, not the little birds you see in frangipani trees. There is something falling from its wings that envelopes us as we run. Near the end, at the intersection to the road, she helps me finish well... before me there is a sign, and i turn a bend.

I turn left, and the world is the world again. A few steps later I fall to my knees... and bow down.

Then...mm..

well... I come back for dinner. :)

What a picture of this season. Thank you sister.

Sitting down to blog, I instinctively click on msn and two nicks stare me down:
...see it my way
...If life's about making choices, then I better make sure what I choose leads me to where I'm supposed to be.

A Helper Suitable

Y: "I believe it is God’s plan for man to have a helper"

uknow what?

...yes, tts right.

Lord im sorry... singlehood is not more holy, nothing much to be proud of. For the long run, i don't think I can see myself blazing the trail alone anymore.

Even if i eventually do go into ministry or even become a pastor, all the more I *need* a helper, that we may watch out for each other. I shant kid myself... alone, i will probably fall - and quickly, and painfully.

I don't regret the years on campus pursuing You alone though... despite the loneliness that sometimes crept in, i think tt training will one day serve me well as I serve You. I fear not singlehood, but if i ever thought at the back of my mind that it is clearly the better, more godly choice... let it be no more :)



Unrelated, wierd God thought - whatever happens, being broken is all of a sudden really appealing - because it allows me to love others more...



Unrelated update - cleared blockages yesterday... this time on forgiveness - just had to forgive a few people... strange how it was just brought to mind like that, but its so God. Its milo time.


Somewhat-related thought:

Dad, the more you show me, the more I see myself as I am.. its not a pretty sight.

You.. did all that for me? When I am like... this?

Unwelcome Visitor

Snakes should be skinned, made into numerous horribly-designed ladies handbags, and sold at 3 for a penny.

Someone's head needs to be seriously crushed. The only question is whether its by a lady's stiletto-ed heel or a man's iron tipped one. What a load of lies given me on Easter Sunday no less....

What God's voice does not sound like

It is not the voice of anxiety, unsettledness or exhaustion
It is not the voice of condemnation
It is not the voice of obscurity

Instead, it is the voice of expensive obedience.

God will undoubtedly tell you to do something you don’t want to do or tell you not to do something you do want to do. And you will be pre-committed to obey Him when this happens. He will call you to some form of “expensive” obedience.

I Am Not A Programmer

To me,

1) C Sharp is a guitar chord.

2) C++ is the grade I got for my programming module.

3) Monitors are made by Peavey, for musicians ears, not by Dell, for programmers eyes.

4) Theres nothing 'Basic' about Visual Basic.

5) and i'll have my Java beans from Spinelli's please.

Nuggets

Doubt always coexists with faith, for in the presence of certainty who would need faith at all?
- Philip Yancey

"...Aren't all these words the senseless writhings of a man who won't accept the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it?"
- CS Lewis, A Grief Observed

Pain and suffering produce a fork in the road.
It is not possible to remain unchanged.
To let others or circumstances dictate your future is to have chosen.
To allow pain to corrode your spirit is to have chosen.
And to be transformed into the image of Christ by those difficult and trying circumstances is to have chosen.
- Tim Hansel

Line In The Sand

Ahh.. this season is something else - I feel i've aged 30 yrs in 30 days... :p

There are so many things coming at once - work stress, family, relationships, calling... I surrender Lord, mercy... my tears have been my food day and night.. yet I know You will make good out of it.

I feel the need to draw a line in the sand... and build an altar to my God. I shall delurk a few of my old posts and chart the journey. Once asked if I would be given one thing I want in life... my answer stands unchanged - to be close to You.

My life, my challenges, my failings, are an open book for all who care to see. I hide nothing, for You know me full well. Take all of me, again.

I pray...

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name. - Ps 86:11

Pieces of the Puzzle

...came together yesterday night.

leaving one broken brother seeing still clearer, limping around, and walking with God in a new dimension.

What a wretch I am, but yet You chose me. I love You.

Pieces of the puzzle, many of whom i've been running away from, continue to fall into place.

On the eve of Easter, lead us to the cross.

Open Hands

Sitting here its another surreal day :) Whoever said God was silent deserves to be given a face that looks like its been baptised in lemon juice.

MSN nicks speak to me, daily devotions cut to the heart, wonds and phrases appear in the most 'coincedental' ways and the Word of God busies itself, deftly dividing soul and spirit.

A christians' life is a lot of things, but it sure isn't boring.. chihuahua.

In this past months of seeking and praying God's will, I find He has brought me to journey far, and as I look back, the baggage I have left behind tumbles into the darkness.. I cannot return the way I came, but im humbled that the pilgrimage has allowed me to travel lighter and faster.

As on that cool mission trip morning with the VOIDers, once again Dad, I humbly come and lay it all down at the altar. Take my job, my family, my money, my time, my relationships, my lifestyle, my strengths, my weaknesses and my life itself. Take it all.

Dad, see these open hands. If there is anything not from You that I am holding on to, take it away. If there is something that is from You that You are giving me, I receive it with thanks, for every good gift comes from You!

Amen.

5 People You Should Meet In The City

Mm... its been a rough day in the office...

I guess i shd have expected it when i was tasked to lead a small project - condescending looks and comments from the other IT staff.. second and third drafts returned with effortless corrections aplenty *sigh*.. ouch just had to take a moment outside the office to gather myself before saying or emailing anything. I hope how I've responded was worthy of my God.

Well, thank God though, for a word in season, Phil 2:3-4 was today's devotional... consider others better than ourselves. Heh.. in the office with un-IT-savvy-me, not too hard at all :)

Lemme take a break and write on some friends...

5 People You Should Meet In The City

1) Raymond & Raymond

Raymond C, the de facto guy heading MLPG... A teacher of the word whom I believe will one day be great in the kingdom on God. If meeting one of his youths at MLPG is anything to go by, this man builds lives so well :)

Raymond W, stoic but humble cell leader running weekday cell n prayer walks out of his humble office that 'God provided'. I love his heart too... tho he's old enough to be my dad, my mentor, or my boss, we prayer walk as two equals, and for a corporate man with nigh 20 yrs under his belt, that speaks volumes. When approached as a stranger of the possibility to let us use his office, 2 decades into a suspicious, self serving corporate culture, his response revealed much:

'My office belongs to HIM and as such, it is always available to serve HIM..'

2) Lady Laur

A dear friend working nearby. Writer, lover of people, fellow muso, and daughter of the king. Has a heart not just for the lost, but for the hurt and the hurting. A close friend 'most likely to write a book for God'. Her blog is one of my favourites to visit and speaks to the soul :) Bless her beautiful heart.

3) Princess Petrine

..is her name, a passing acquaintance I knew that turned out to be brave single youth leader working flat out for her sheep. Habitually found with french phrases trailing her MSN nicks.. one day I asked inquisitively after a particularly tongue twisting french nick and it turned out it meant 'Someone thought he could be the prince, but he didn't know the King.' Strong.

4) The COP Oasis

Run by 2 sisters working full time in church with a dream to open a cafe of their own, home an eccentric ForeRunner keyboardist known as the man with perfect pitch, platform for Singapores answer to Darlene Zchech in-training, and jam room cum altar for many dear muso friends... walking into that quiet enclave during weekday lunchtimes keeps me 'safe in a crazy world'.

5) Watchman

Nope you heard right. That's his name. As in name on his IC. This faceless brother (ive yet to meet him face to face) had a revelation from God and changed His name to Watchman. Said thats what He was called to do. Last i've heard of him:
'wheres watchman?'
'oh hes went to prayer walk...'

Thats a man who knows his destiny. :)

Ok... that was 6.. heh.. but praise God for such men and women of God.

Will I be one? Will you?

When God Ran

Dad...

Thanks Dad.

I don't know how any God can pour out so much love so often to someone who craves it so much. It just keeps happening.. and it is so humbling... blows the mind.

And here on monday morning i sit in my office, soul at rest, soul satisfied once again.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. - Ps 63:5

A couple of nights of ranting.. feeling the depths of the soul... and the next sunday barely had the service started when God shakes my conciousness by saying that which I secretyly long to hear but dare not believe: 'Go ahead and step into your destiny'.

With a heart strangely warmed I sat through the service, and then the altar call comes...

After years in church, Im no longer going up just for the sake of if, to feel the next emotional high.. but I go in honest response to the heart of God reaching out to mine... and today, the heart of the Almighty reached down to touch mine once again... :)

When i walked forward, i was met by dear elder R, n we just cried as our eyes met... after a few moments we embraced and the Word came forth. From behind tears and faltering lips, God whispered His Song of Love:

I belong to my lover,
and his desire is for me.

Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages.

Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
Songs, 7:10-12

Does that do something to your heart? If mine came broken, this just sort of melted the remains... :)

When one sits next to the King, one gets a God's eye-view. From there... God is near, God is big, and life comes into perspective once again:

'wook there Daddy, itty bitty devil, itty bitty problems'

Thank you so much Dad... really needed that.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
Ps 63:6-8

When God Ran

Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run

CHORUS:
Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran

The day I left home I knew I’d broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time – it was the only time I ever saw Him run

And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise as He brought me to my knees
When God ran – I saw Him run to me

BRIDGE:
I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But now I know He’s been waiting for this day

I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again

He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, “Son”, He called me Son
He said, “Son do you know I still love you?”
He ran to me and then I ran to Him
When God ran

Heart Failure

I need to rant a bit.....

What do I do? What can I do? And how do I know? How do I choose from the many paths before me?

Lord, I surrender to You wholly.. I've reached the place where if I live I want to live to You, if I die, I die for You.

But now what?

I want to love freely, but the cares of this world hammer at me,

I want to give... I want to have enough to buy the whole book of tix from every young man and lady that approaches me at raffles place, but i can't...

I want to see the nation turned, but I fear I will pass from this earth without that pleasure....

God, I feel so inadequate to take on the world.. there is so much pain out there.. I don't want to insulate myself... but yet, I am but one man. One sinful, imperfect, lonely, misunderstood, young man.

The world has changed... where are the children singing hymns while sweeping the floor? How few are the holy women of old? How few the faithful men? And will I not be a faithful man?

The media.. full of rubbish. Too much of it. Too many people drawing from it. Can anyone stop it?

The corporate world.. self protection, using people, loving things, dodgy business deals sealed in KTV lounges, power mad people...

The whole culture of relationships... as a friend says... so often an empty person trying to be filled by another empty person.. and others.. pain, divorce, provocative dressing, abuse, masks, shells..

Father, I don't belong... I don't *want* to belong... here...

God, do You *alone* understand?

*sob*

My Father, My Lord...

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 84:2
My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		8
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Unexpected Pleasure

'O LORD, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come.'

...heh... actually, no :)

I didn't pray that at all, though that would have be really nice and fitting.

At the end of another midweek at the office, was a little dejected to find -
1) the pedal i wanted to get out of stock,
2) the people i wanted to meet to talk bass not free
3) the work at the office held up by pple on MC etc

...so found a nice spot outside raffles place in the midst of a particularly humid day to just slow down, reflect and draw close...

briefly mused whether to sit, lie down or roll about in the grass - but twas rudely interrupted by rain.. *sigh*

went home and ta paoed dinner, then decided to check on a second hand ad i saw on luther. located at Toh Yi Drive... man.. for an evening like that it felt like that was halfway across the world.

Went there anyway and... was pleasant surprised to find a christian brother - from FCBC no less - from the worship team - a bassist - in John Koh's cell group!

What are the odds? :)

Chatted into the night about rostering, bands, worship and church... and ended off praying for each other... what an unexpected pleasure :)

(Oh, bought the amp.. gd price n gd condition ;)

Walking with a limp

Hmm.. thoughts just shifting on a moderately busy today towards sin.. mine, and lots of it.

I wonder how many people out there think the church is full of 'holy' and morally upright people, with picture postcard families, hearts for the poor and needy, innocently walking about with a bounce in their step...

...I wonder if these are the same people that get put off when they meet the christian rank and file working in the next cubicle, living next door or serving them over the counter..

...which they probably will, because the truth is, church is NOT full of perfect moral people... its full of sinful people...

... and im one of them. Probably one of the worst. Im no better than the guy next door... and I think its about time to stop pretending and acting like that is so :)

Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Luke 5:31-32

He found me, and called me... not because im healthy, but because im desperately sick... repenting is a daily activity, because im never short of things to repent of :)

But when i realise its no longer about me, when all striving in my own strength ceases, when i understand that its not about me and not about how much I can or cannot do, what a wonderful sense of thankfulness and security that brings.

Under the weight a pretty divine orchestration of concurrent happenings and thoughts, something broke inside recently.

I walk with a limp that I fully embrace and thank God for...

Father, thank You for moving heaven and earth (quite literally) to bring me here... i see your fingerprints all over and its such a joy to know you are at work. Like brother Jacob so long ago, as the sun rose the next morning after he wrestled with You...

Thank You so much that it is... a new day, a new identity and a new walk.

Humbled,
your son.

Clear Skies

Hmm.. today was a nice day! :)

Whatever clouds seem to have cleared, the intensity has lifted, the peaks of joy in the midst of a valley of heaviness has given way to a much more 'normal' life.. one happily punctuated with simple joys, laughter.. and a few downright 'duh' moments..

... like getting the last clorets tablet out of the flat clorets box...

... reminds me of trying to extract a pick that has fallen into the guitar... *gnn* *shake shake*

Boys Toys :)

Just thought i'd de-lurk for a bit to celebrate the small joys of the temporal...

Bank gave a free gift of a DVD combo, which is now sitting in my room n filling it with warm sax from mindy albair coupled with easy listening worship... heavenly :)

Have finally put in an order for a new dell to replace the pc ive been using since i was a freshie at uni too.. new ones gonna be a 3.0ghz, 1gb ram, 256MB graphics n an SB audigy. shd be in within a week or so.

I need a bit of gear too.. hmm... shd i try a pedal or get a decent ampeg amp or cab tt i can bring to church? decisions decisions... :p